Round Two

I know, I know... I'm terrible with updating the blog. But here's some insight into my life for the past month or so!

As you may know, my negative test result was heartbreaking for me. I didn't have a hard time getting pregnant with either K or S so I haven't been in this boat before. Rather than beating myself up about something that was out of my control, I took things one day at a time. I knew I was with an amazing agency and a spectacular couple, so things couldn't go anywhere but up. 

My doctor called me in the beginning of September and asked if October 11th sounded like a good day for a transfer. Of course it was! Any day was good for me! I anxiously waited for emails with my medication protocol and schedule for flights and hotels in Southern California. After all was set, we waited patiently for the day we were able to fly down and get prepped for the transfer. 

Our flight was easy, even with our 1.5 year old little one. She's flown before, so an hour flight was a piece of cake. We landed, got our rental car, and headed for my appointment. I couldn't take the smile off my face. I was happpy to be back in the warm, inviting office. I was excited for the next day to see my intended parents and have the transfer. After the apppointment, we spent the rest of the day relaxing at the hotel, enjoying a trip to the mall and taking little miss to the beach. We ended our night at P.F. Changs, then came back to the hotel for a good nights rest since the following day was a big one. 

Waking up and getting dressed for the transfer felt so normal. I don't know what it was, but it didn't really HIT me until we got there- I'm going to be pregnant again and I get to hand over that little bundle of cuteness (or two little bundles of cuteness) over to an amazing family. My eyes water just thinking of the moment they get to hold their baby. 

After we arrived, the nurse prepped me into a beautiful blue open backed gown that I'm sure some of you may have had the pleasure to wear. After my meds kicked in, I just waited for my intended parents to arrive so we can get the show on the road. 

When they walked in, it was like the room lit up. They were as excited to see us as we were to see them. We caught up for a couple of minutes before the doctor came in and got ready for the procedure. He came in with a couple of pictures of the embryos we were placing. Two boys and a girl! It's amazing how 3 little bubbles can turn into a baby after 40 weeks of care. Looking at the picture and knowing the potential these little ones have put an even bigger smile on my face. 

It was time! I'm not going to get into the juicy details of how an embryo transfer works, but pretty much think of a Pap smear and you're there! The proceure went great! The doctor told us to look for the bright light. Once we saw it, everyone gasped. So bright, so perfect. This time is THE time. I've had so many amazing MJ mommas keeping us in their thoughts and prayers and I know my IP's have some great prayer warriors on their side as well. Together, with positive thoughts and God's will, we will be able to bing a baby (or two) into this world and into the arms of this amazing couple. 

Now we play the waiting game for the test results. I'm hoping for a high beta number that continues to grow and grow along with the baby. Thank you all for your support. We are so thankful to have so many people praying for us. 

Let's try this again.

Thanks to my awesome ipad, my last almost finished post was deleted when I hopped on my safari to grab y'all a link for something. So sad! Just goes to show that sometimes, it takes a second try to get things done. 

My last post was to tell everyone of my test results that came back negative. I've gotten so many texts, facebook messages and posts from moms who follow me, sharing their love and wishing me well. To say it was thoughtful, caring and welcomed doesn't give justice to how much better you all were making me feel. As I stated in my first post, I thought I had lost my oldest 8 weeks into the pregnancy. That was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. Hearing the test results made my stomach drop the same way it did when the doctor said "You're most likely having a miscarriage, there's nothing we can do." 

This time, it wasn't just a loss to my husband and myself, it was a loss to another family as well. I was so ready to be pregnant. Ready to get my cravings on and buy my Intended Parents little baby girl outfits to gift them. But someone had a different plan for us. It's not a plan I wanted or intended, but I can't be upset over things that are done. The loss of the sweet girls I was carrying will stay with me forever. I just hope that they watch over the next buns I get, and that they are the stickiest little buns they could be. 

Recently I noticed I had gained weight. I don't know if it was from the medication, the stress or the fact that I eat 4 cookies a night. I don't care how it came, I gained it and I wasn't happy. Monday night I told myself "You're getting up tomorrow morning and working out." AND I DID. Oh my, I can't explain how much better I felt after working out for an hour. I worked out with the help of some free ab, butt and leg exercise apps and my Thermofit. After working out I enjoyed my Chocolate ProFIT protein shake. SO GOOD. Today, I'm sore. Like everywhere. My neck, my legs, my butt and my arms. I took today off because I had an awesome night with my best friends from High School and we all (all except hubby) slept in. Tomorrow though-I'm back at it. Waking up early, sweating for an hour in my living room, burnin extra calories (thanks to my Thermofit), then showering and getting ready for what will be a busy day!! 

My yummy ProFIT protein shake - http://biancafinney.myitworks.com/shop/product/316/

Ray and I have been talking and wondering when we'll get an email or phone call with my next step and protocol. We're THAT excited to get this journey on the road! Personally, I just think Ray misses injecting a 4 inch needle in my butt. It's like his way of saying "This is for buying from that last Matilda Jane release! Haha!" Kidding. I hope. 

Today I got an email!! 

Not with my protocol, but with good news that we are ready to start with the next step. As soon as the doctor gives my orders, I'll be getting my body prepped for transfer number 2! Hopefully this round will stick and we have a healthy little one cooking!! I'm happy and excited to continue this journey and will keep praying every night to be able to carry and nurture a baby for 40 weeks!! 

Mommy and her second blessing Ella

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I am very lucky to know so many kind women who message me and ask how I'm doing. It really is a blessing, thank you!

Test results

Hey everyone! I've been so busy from the transfer, going on vacation and getting back to normal that I haven't been able to update everyone on what's going on.

First of all, I would LOVE to give an awesome shout out to one of my best friends from High School. She recently delivered two sweet baby girls via C-Section for her IP's. Her pregnancy with these girls put her on bed rest for a while, but they came out at a perfectly cooked 37 weeks! How awesome is that! This girl was always by my side, whether it was going to class, getting into trouble or holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be okay. I went through one really rough period of time in High School where I thought all of my friends hated me and I was really alone. This girl stayed by my side and helped me get through this rough time. I'm so grateful to call her my friend and I am beyond excited and happy for her!

I got home from vacation on Tuesday night, and had an appointment for my blood pregnancy test on Thursday. I thought I could hold out until the test, but I just couldn't! I had Ray bring home some pregnancy tests and the 2 that I took were both POSITIVE! I was so happy, but I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I tried to remain calm and wait for the results from the doctor. I got a phone call around 3pm from our doctor who had informed me that while the test was positive, it was a very low number (a 6 to be exact) and that I would have to go back on Monday for a retest.

My heart sank. Something in me was scared for the next test. While I had so many amazing MJ mommas telling me their great success stories of their babies being a 5 and turning 2 years old soon brought my spirits up, but just like before... I didn't want to get my hopes up. The whole weekend I felt... BLAH. You know, lingering headache, wanting to eat but nothing sounding good, napping for 3 hours, that kind of stuff. Which we took as a good pregnancy sign.

Unfortunately when I got the phone call on Monday afternoon, I was told my test came back negative and that I was in fact not pregnant. I took a deep breath in and out after the phone call. I could only ask myself WHY? I've never had a problem getting pregnant the regular way. I want to give this gift so badly to this amazing couple and I just can't right now.

So now I have to wait for Aunt Flo to pay me a visit, and we will go from there. I hope we can get the ball rolling soon, because I love being pregnant and like I said, I want to give the gift of baby toes and cuddles so badly.

I am thankful to all my MJ mommas who have supported me and lifted my spirits through this rough time. Your thoughts and words of encouragement mean the world to me. I wish I could just hug all of you! While I am sad that these girls didn't take this round, I know that it isn't uncommon for first rounders not to stick. It also reminds me how lucky I am to not have to go through this for my own children and makes me feel even more thankful for a body that can create and hold babies until they're with those who love them the most.
This is a sad part of surrogacy, folks... But I'm still happy as ever to be on track to giving my intended family the baby (or babies) they deserve to hold. I cannot wait until our next transfer!! I am beyond blessed with what I have already and I'm so lucky I have been chosen to give this gift to another family.

While I'm very saddened about this situation, I feel like one way to keep my mind busy and to help lift not only MY spirits, but those who I have met over the past months who have encouraged me and sent their positive thoughts and prayers. I'm going to do a series of PIF's (pay it forward's) to thank everyone who has given their gratitude to us. I'll be doing them on my Facebook profile (Bianca Kailee Finney), on my blog (in another KCINM post), on my Instagram account (biancakailee), on my It Works page (Paid To Get Skinny) and some other random places!

I wanted to get ALL of this done like 2 days ago and life got in the way. So, I'm thinking Friday night or possibly Saturday afternoon... or both! All I ask is that shipping is paid for, unless you're local and would like to pick up!! PIF's will consist of random things like princess slippers for your little girl, hair accessory board, It Works! wraps, Young Living credits/coupons, and some other random things I have laying around that haven't been used or opened.

Thanks to everyone for once again, reading all of my ramblings. Don't forget to add me on Facebook and Instagram and "like" my page Paid To Get Skinny so you'll be able to enter all of the PIF's!

Faith, Trust and Baby Dust!

Yes I watched Tinkerbell with K not long before we came down to San Diego. My girl love her fairies! 

Today was one of the greatest, most emotional days of my life. As we pulled into the hospital, I felt my stomach drop and in came a bazillion butterflies. I packed, flew and got ready for the appointment with no butterflies in my somach, but when I pulled in to that parking lot, it just hit me - I'm going to be pregnant again. I'm going to get a belly and crave weird foods and cry during Johnson & Johnson commercials. We walked up to the doctor's office and right as we opened the door, my intended mother was right there. Right in front of my face with her arms wide open ready to greet us with a box full of pear cupcakes. Hugging her felt so right. Like a best friend or cousin who I've known for years and we finally get to see each other after being apart for so long. It immidiately made my butterflies vanish and made me feel ready for this transfer. They brought their little one. SUCH a beautiful, sweet child that little one is. So happy and full of life. That baby deserves a brother or sister. 

I was taken to a room, went over paperwork and settled in to the bed I'd spend my next 45 minutes in. I don't think anyone can understand how amazing the staff is here. They answered any questions I had before I even asked. They were SO thourough with the procedure, it was just so comfortable. 

The doctor came in and gave us a picture of what the embryos look like. Yes, embryos - 2 to be exact. We reviewed how the procedure was done and got ready for two girls to be placed. I layed back, popped a Valium and talked amoungst my very excited set of intended parents and sibiling. We chatted about little boys versus little girls, about how my husband has trained my 4 year old to train my 1 year old to do things around the house like throw the trash away and put toys away. I cannot explain how happy and full of life my intended family is. They are so easy going and ready for add on to their family. 

After the Valium kicked in, the doctor came in again and asked if I was ready. Before he could finish asking, I replied "YES!" How could I not?! This family is amazing and more than deserving of another child, hopefuly two! The procedure was no worse than the yearly pap smear. The entire time, I had my eyes glued to the ultrassound screen. The doctor told us to look for the little "flash of light" as he set those two precious girls on the top of my uterus. After the picture was printed for us to take for a keepsake, the doctor, intended father and I joined hands over these baby girls, bowed our heads and prayed for the well being and health of these babies. 

And that was it! They reclined me back and propped up my legs. The sweet intended sibling was ready for some "out of the doctor" intereaction time, so our intended family left before I was able to get up. Before the intended mother left, she came to me, held my hand and expressed her thankfulness for me and what I was doing for her. The look in her eye, that excitement and anticipation of the possibility of having two sweet baby girls in her arms in 9 months... All worth it. 

The pain from the injections, the long wait, the realization of not only going through a labor I am used to, but a labor with twins... All worth it. 

Now the wait! We will have a pregnancy test on Thursday of next week and honestly, I can't wait for that day to be here! In the mean time, I will be thinking happy thoughts, praying, eating healthy and continuing my medications to unsure these girls have the best outlook in a full term pregnancy. 

I would like to take a second and say thank you to anyone and everyone who has followed my story, shared my story, encouraged me, prayed for us or thought of us. It means the world to me that I have such a great group of moms behind me in this journey. SO happy, that I feel like a giveaway is in oder. I don't know what, when or how, but with you amazing moms on my side praying and thinking for us, I honestly think these girls, my family and my intended family will have an even better outlook on this journey. From supporting comments to prayers, it all helps and I'm thankful for it all.

Again, thank you for following me on my journey and I hope you enjoy the posts! Talk to you all soon!! 

The Big Day!

I started this blog to share my experience being a surrogate. I want to remember my emotions, struggles and achievements as much as possible, so I'll be updating the blog anytime something "happens". Lol bear with me. It's 4:08am and I'm half awake ;) 

4:08am: I'm half awake. And we're driving to the airport. I have a few mixed feelings this morning. I'm still missing my girls and actually, anytime I think of their little faces, my eyes start watering up. This is one experience this momma bear hasn't gone through yet (being away from her cubs for 5 nights). I know they're in good hands, I just want to be able to hug them at any time. 

I'm also nervous to meet our intended parents. What if they don't like me? Don't laugh I'm being serious! 

So everything went so fast yesterday, I wasn't able to uppdate. Lame, I know. 

Anyway. After we landed, we got a car, and had some lunch. At the appointment, the wonderful nurse saw me walking and asked if I was okay. I explained to her that I wass having pain from the injecton site. She told me she needed to take a look, because it shouldn't be hurting this bad. After drawing my blood, we checked the site. The nurse explained that where we were injecting was a very painful spot as it's right next to my sciatic nerve. (Later I realized, that's probably why my back has been hurting. DUH). As she was examining me, I broke down. 

We had 4 hours of sleep the night before, flew an hour, then waited hours until our appointment, all while I was in the unbearable pain. Hearing it was in the incorrect spot just tipped the iceburg. I was happy though! I was happy to know there is an easy fix to stop the pain. SO HAPPY! 

The ultrasound went great, we got our protocol for the transfer day, and were on our way! We stopped by the pharmacy, bought myself a heated pad and came to the hotel. Seeing a bed to lie on and 2 outlets to plug my phone and heating pad into was the best sight. EVER. I hopped in bed, threw on my heated pad and fell asleep. 

This morning we planned on going to Kono's, an amazing breakfast spot, but the line was out the door and around the corner! So we came to a different place not too far. The view is amazing. We are right by the beach and the energy of the families on bikes and running or walking around is so amazing! San Diego is really beautiful and maybe one day we can call this place home. I know Ray would LOVE  that! 

My appointment is in an hour and 45 minutes. I'm nervous, excited and happy to get this transfer started! I ask that anyone who prays or believes in any sort of power, to think of us and the family. Pray and hope this baby sticks so we can get this baby into the arms of loving, deserving parents. 

That's all for now folks! Hope to update after the transfer this afternoon! 

Ouch.

Shots. 

We all know I don't like them, right? Well I got over that and now I'm fine with getting them. I'm no longer giving them to myself, my husband does it for me. And contrary to what you might believe, he does a pretty good job! 

Apparently, I skimmed over and didn't read the part where you should avoid sitting or laying down for 5-10 after recieving these little needles of love. My routine was - get the shot, go to bed. 

Well my freaking butt hurts more now than it does while getting the damn shot and quick frankly, between that and my kids driving me up a wall, I am miserable. 

"Well you signed up for this." 

"Get used to it mama!" 

Yeah don't give me that. I just want to lay here, vent and get advice from you super mommas who have gone through it before. 

My new routine is - shot, walk around with a heating buddy on injection site, watch Chopped, take a warm shower and let the water fall onto my luscious bruised up bum. 

Any other tips? I'd love any recommendations or suggestions! 

In other news, tomorrow is the last full day with my babies. Like I said, they have been driving me NUTS the last couple of days (probably because I haven't taken them out in this scortching got weather). I haven't ever been away from them this long! I've done one night away, but six?! I'm going to ball my eyes out on the way home from their grandmas house tomorrow. I know they're in good hands, but... Ugh. Just look at their precious little faces!  

And by the way- yes, K slept in those shoes that night. 

This post was a bit short, but I hope to get my story on Ella's pregnancy and birth out this weekend (I promise it'll be way shorter than K's) along with how the transfer went! 

Thank y'all for reading! And don't forget to leave your tips for me in the comments!! xoxo

The Journey of K

There are so many ways to start this and I could get into so much detail, but I'll try not to bore you while I tell you how our beautiful 4 year old K came into our lives.

I got pregnant with K when I was 18 years old. I was scared- but at the same time, I was confident. I felt like I was meant to go through what I was going through and it made me more comfortable with the situation. I only knew one girl my age who had her daughter at a young age and unfortunately, I no longer had her contact information, so I depended on my family. They have ALWAYS been there and I knew I could count on them.

The pregnancy with K was great! Aside from the fact that I was told I was miscarrying and the pain that came with it. I craved fruit and the old style jolly rancher chews that apparently no gas station, supermarket, Target, Walmart or other store carried. After discovering I was pregnant, I moved in with her daddy and spent any time I could with him. We rented a house with some close friends and everything was great! I saw my parents often, and talked to a lot of friends daily. Since Ray mostly worked nights, I spent my nights watching The Office until he came home. Life was great! I was all belly and my feet didn't get too swollen. I worked 4-5 days a week on my feet until the day I had her. Yep! I worked fries at In N Out the day before I had K. When I think about it now, I feel like I was crazy. 

The day I had her...

I remember it like it was yesterday. The night before, we were at my parents house celebrating my birthday (May 14th). I felt tensing in my stomach but didn't think much of it since it went away pretty quickly. I ate my birthday cake (enough for two, maybe even three) and left home to our new apartment that was closer to my parents house. It was Ray and I in a 2 bed/2 bath apartment. Not one we loved, but we were in a time crunch and just needed a place ASAP at the time. ANYWAY! I went home, went to bed. Nothing crazy. 

Okay so... If you knew anything about me when I was in my teen years through 18/19, you would know that I like to sleep. Being pregnant only made me want to sleep more, so the only reason I would wake up before 10 AM was because we had a store meeting, or because I worked at 1030 AM. I loved sleep. 

May 16th, I woke up at 8AM because my stomach hurt. Being the first time mommy that I was, I immidiately thought "count your contractions". I had no clue what I was doing so I just decided to call Labor and Delivery and talk to a nurse. She was worried because I had mentioned she wasn't moving as much as she usually does, so they suggested I just go in and get a check. Now my husband who had been up all night playing World of Warcraft (yeah, don't even get me started) was still sound asleep and suggested I go by myself to the hospital because "it probably wasn't anything serious". Yeah... OKAY. 

Off I went to Labor and Delivery. I called my mom and she met me there. They hooked me up to the monitors and took some blood to run some tests because I was only 37 weeks pregnant. After about 2 hours in the hospital, I remembered I was supposed to work that day. I called in and remember saying "Hey, I've been in the hosital for 2 hours and I don't know when I'm going to leave so I might be late to work today." Yes, I promise that's what I said. My manager said "Well, lets take it as you're in the hospital and going to pop any day... why don't we just start your maternity leave today? I'll cover the rest of your shifts." Made sense...

An hour or so later, Ray arrived (I assume my mom told my dad he wasn't here and my dad gave him a little wake up call). We sat in my room and he turned on Nascar. Yep. Nascar. The one thing every pregnant lady asks to watch on her hospital TV, right? WRONG. An hour or so later the nurse says my contractions weren't consistant so there wasn't much for them to do. They were worried about my high blood pressure so they need a 24 hour urine sample. Yep. They wanted 24 hours of my urine. YIPEE. 

I was discharged, went home, and got ready for a BBQ my parents were having for Mother's Day for my Grandma Nancy. My Uncle John was there. I went in the back with everyone else, sat down and started feeling those contractions again. This time though, they were actually hurting. My Uncle John kept looking at me and asked if I was okay. My dad responded for me and said "Oh she's fine. She has another 3, maybe 4 or 5 weeks left". My parents made dinner, but I didn't want any of it. Ray took me to Jamba Juice, then we went by In-N-Out for a burger. My best friends Christiane and Brittany were working. I remember them coming to the window and saying "I thought you were in the hospital?". I told them what happened, then went back to my parents house. I finished my dinner and sat on the couch. 

Contractions. 

Even worse than before. But I tried to hide it since everyone had convinvced me they're just Braxton Hicks. I remember trying to get up from the couch and Ray had to pulll me up, but mid pull I got stuck because... well contraction of course. My parents walked us out to the car and we talked for a bit. My dad again reassured me that I needed to "suck it up because when I'm REALLY in labor it will hurt much more". So I did. We went home and being the awesome daddy to be that he was, Ray remembered taking a bath with some relaxing candles might help kick those practice contractions out so I can get some rest. While in my relaxing bath, I felt calm. Then, they came back. 

CONTACTIONS. 

I fumbled my way to the bed and expressed how much pain I was in and tried to sleep it off. CONTRACTIONS. They wouldn't go away. Finallly, the vomit. I told Ray I felt sick so he brought me a trash can. Not even 2 minutes later, all my Jamba Juice and In N Out had been in the trash can. That moment I think is when Ray started to take me seriously. He then started to count my contractions and not even 5 minutes later, he was running around the house throwing stuff into our hospital bags. 

CONTRACTIONS CONTRACTIONS CONTRACTIONS. 

Suddenly we were in the car on our way to the hospital. It was all such a blur since I was concentrating on not freaking out and just breathing. We got to the hospital and went in through the Labor and Delivery entrance I went through earlier that day. Walking in, the young man working behind the counter informed us that we had to go around the building and into the Emergency Entrance. CONTRACTIONS. I said "IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO HAVE MY BABY ON THIS FLOOR." He let me through. 

CONTRACTIONS. 

I finally got upstairs and into a L&D room. I was then informed by the nurse that "Ray needs to go downstairs to register you, and I need a urine sample." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I complied and took the cup and went into the restroom. Nurse comes in and asks "How you doin' honey?". "I fell like if I pee, she's going to fall into the toilet" I responded. CONTRACTIONS. The nurse then had me lay down in the bed and started hooking up the monitors. Nurse checks me and says "Oh my honey, you're ready. I think you've been ready." In my head I'm thinking "OMG I've been telling everyone all day and NO ONE has been listening to me." Thankfully, my midwife was there covering someone else's shift. As soon as she walked in, I was so relieved. "I'm ready when you are" she said. 

One push.

My midwife told me my water had not broken yet so she's going to break it for me to help with pushing (or something like that-I don't really remember). 

Two push. 

I look up and notice both Ray and mom have made it by my side. No words can describe how happy I was to have my momma by my side. The woman who dedicated her life to making me happy and made sure I had an amazing life. I was ready. 

Three push. 

BABY. 

My sweet girl, my first girl. 3 weeks early, but healthy. Five pounds and an ounce. Everything changed. She was beautiful, and she was mine. I could go on about my emotions when they put that precious girl on my chest, but in a nutshell-she was perfect. 

My dad, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousin, mother in law, father in law, two sister in laws and Regan were there. My heart was so happy. From the pictures, I looked like hell.... but it was so worth it. My girl was finally here and in my arms, we were surounded by the ones we love most. It doesn't get much better than that folks! 

Ray took this picture just seconds after she was placed on my chest and after we became parents of this sweet girl. We held her skin to skin for about 3-4 hours. Maybe a little tooo long seeing as she had her first bowel moment right in daddy's hand. Nothing says "welcome to parenthood" like a handful of meconium from your first born. 

So I tried to make it short but it probably sounds longer than I intended. In reality, it was a very short labor. I was most likely in labor for less time than it took you to finish this post. Let's just say I went through In N Out drive through around 6:30PM and K was delivered at 8:58PM. So I went from being in okay condition, ate, went to my parents for a little bit longer, went home, got in the bath, got to the hospital and got situated in 3 hours. lol 

This folks is one of the signs that stuck out to me and told me I was meant to do this! My labors are in no way complicated and my active labor goes by very quick! I love babies, and I can't wait for 10 months to come by so I can deliver a baby for my intended parents and see the look on thier little one's face when they see they have a little sibling. 

Hope you enjoyed my story of how K was brought to us and I hope to see you next time when I talk about how S came about! Have a wonderul night! 

Shots shots shots shotsSHOTSshots!!

Okay so I was going to write earlier this week about the pregnancies and deliveries of both my girls, but when I started typing, the words weren't coming to me so I decided I should wait until my heart was in it. 

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love talking about my pregnancies and deliveries as much as the crunchy mom next to me, but sometimes the words come out better on other days. 

Anyway! Shots... 

Saying I hate getting shots is an understatement. I remember my brother being in the hospital for strep pneumonia (I think that's what it was-my 8 year old mind might be playing tricks on me) and feeling like I was going to pass out when they had to give him an IV. I never felt that feeling again... until 2 nights ago. 

I started taking the small tummy injections on June 16th. Despite the fact that it took me about 456 times of saying "Okay... Ready?- Okay... Ready? One, two- Okay ready?" as my husband stood behind me laughing "yes babe, I'm ready...", I did it and I was pleasantly surprised that it hurt no more than the tiny Lalaloopsy toys I step on everyday. Actually, it didn't hurt nearly half that pain. It was quick, easy and... over. 

My nightly Lupron injections were a piece of cake. I even let K watch me the night she got her shots from the doctor (which is a story in itself). Then Thursday came. Thursday I started to take the bigger needles on my bum. The video seemed like a piece of cake, but it FREAKED. ME. OUT. I couldn't even give myself the teenie Lupron shot I had been doing for DAYS with no problem. 

I cried.

I'm not gonna lie. I was so frustrated, I walked over to the bed and asked my husband to please come help me because I can't do it myself. Because he loves me so much, he quickly walked me to the bathroom and told me it was okay and reassured me I was more than capable of doing this. With his support, and the thought of my intended parents happiness, I did it. 

Then came the big bum needle. 

So from all the YouTube videos I watched, I could go slow and be okay even though "in the motion of a dart" is what the suggested video told me to do. So I put the needle on my bum and lightly pushed it into my skin. I felt the needle pierce but felt no pain, so I finished placing the needle and about half way through I remember saying "I feel reeeeeeally dizzy" and felt my husband wrap his arms around me to catch my fall. Yep, my fall. I felt my knees buckling as I was injecting the oil and remember thinking "I will NOT fall because with my luck, I'm gonna fall on the damn needle and hurt myself even more. Let me finish injecting and then I can pass out." 

Yes, those were my thoughts. After I injected and pulled the needle out, I thought "Hey that wasn't that bad!". But let's remember, I'm still super dizzy and I still can't stand on my own. So my thoughts might be different next time I inject (Tuesday). 

For the record, yeah my butt still hurts, but it's probably cause I injected the needle super slow. 

I'm hopeful that my injection on Tuesday goes a bit better than this past Thursday. Although I dislike shots, I'm still excited for this journey and I know every needle is worth it for these parents. I'm so thankful for my healthy body and happy to be able to carry for this amazing family. 

Stay tuned, because next post will be about the Journey of K, unless I decide to make a video (as promised to some of my favorite Facebook mommas) and talk more about my shots. 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend- until next time! 

Call me crazy.

Hi. 

I'm Bianca, people call me Bee. 23 years old living in sunny California. I'm married, have 2 kids and going to be pregnant next month. The 16th of July to be exact. Only thing that sets me apart from lots of other pregnant mommies is... My baby won't belong to my husband. He or she won't look like him, talk or act like him. Because, well... They aren't his. He or she (and possibly THEY) won't be either of ours. 

I'm a surrogate. 

Yeah I'm crazy. Crazy about happiness. Crazy about babies toes and baby snuggles. Bath toys and first words. I'm crazy about the love and affection that is passed between a human being to it's offspring. I cry when I see parents struggle with infertility. My heart drops when I hear about a miscarriage. Probably because I went through one for a weekend. 

When I was pregnant with my first daughter K, I was only 18. I was still living at home at was only in college for a couple months. One day at work, my life changed forever. See, I knew I was pregnant, but I hadn't told anyone yet. I got ready and was waiting to clock in when I felt like I wet my pants. I ran to the bathroom and there was blood. So. Much. Blood. 

I panicked and called my mom. She told me we had to go to urgent care immediately so I told my manager I threw up blood and had to leave. I was shaking. My mom picked me up and Ray met us there. I finally got called in and after explaining what had happened, I was told I'm most likely miscarrying my baby. I didn't know what to do. My heart was breaking. How can I at only 18 years old be so affectionate about this fetus who was only inside of me for less than 8 weeks? Why was this happening? Did I do something wrong? Why won't my body let me do what nature wants me to do and have a healthy baby? 

I went to Rays that night. I cried the whole drive there. I turned the radio to a Christian station and prayed to God that they were wrong. I begged for my baby to be okay. I asked for forgiveness for anything I did to cause this. I cried and I cried and I cried. 

I didn't go to work that weekend, and I was scared of what I would have to go through on my appointment Monday morning. I had no clue what they were going to do, how they were going to do it or how much more I would cry that week. Until the ultrasound....

A heart beat. 

A heart beat and a moving baby. How could this be? They were wrong? My prayers were answered? Did the will of wanting my baby so bad help my body to hold on to something it was rejecting? Who knows. But 30 weeks later, I gave birth to an amazing 5lb 1oz baby girl, just 2 days after my birthday. 

That weekend of pain and sorrow- I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. The thought of my body not wanting my baby hurt me so bad. I'm thankful to every and any factor that went into my baby being there that Monday morning and still being here this Wednesday night. 

That's why I chose this life changing experience. 

To put babies into the arms of those willing and able to raise them. To bring more birthdays and weddings. To help love and happiness show brighter and brighter with each step the babies take. I'm doing this for the moms who cry and blame themselves for the negative pregnancy test results. For the dad's who pick up the pieces that is his wife and be as strong as possible. 

I love babies and happy endings. 

I look forward to spending more time with you all as I write about my journey with this surrogacy. I love to write, but I'm terrible at English, so bear with me. I promise I'll get my they're, their and there's right and if there's a word I don't know if I'm using properly, I'll change the entire sentence. Haha! 

-B