Let's try this again.

Thanks to my awesome ipad, my last almost finished post was deleted when I hopped on my safari to grab y'all a link for something. So sad! Just goes to show that sometimes, it takes a second try to get things done. 

My last post was to tell everyone of my test results that came back negative. I've gotten so many texts, facebook messages and posts from moms who follow me, sharing their love and wishing me well. To say it was thoughtful, caring and welcomed doesn't give justice to how much better you all were making me feel. As I stated in my first post, I thought I had lost my oldest 8 weeks into the pregnancy. That was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. Hearing the test results made my stomach drop the same way it did when the doctor said "You're most likely having a miscarriage, there's nothing we can do." 

This time, it wasn't just a loss to my husband and myself, it was a loss to another family as well. I was so ready to be pregnant. Ready to get my cravings on and buy my Intended Parents little baby girl outfits to gift them. But someone had a different plan for us. It's not a plan I wanted or intended, but I can't be upset over things that are done. The loss of the sweet girls I was carrying will stay with me forever. I just hope that they watch over the next buns I get, and that they are the stickiest little buns they could be. 

Recently I noticed I had gained weight. I don't know if it was from the medication, the stress or the fact that I eat 4 cookies a night. I don't care how it came, I gained it and I wasn't happy. Monday night I told myself "You're getting up tomorrow morning and working out." AND I DID. Oh my, I can't explain how much better I felt after working out for an hour. I worked out with the help of some free ab, butt and leg exercise apps and my Thermofit. After working out I enjoyed my Chocolate ProFIT protein shake. SO GOOD. Today, I'm sore. Like everywhere. My neck, my legs, my butt and my arms. I took today off because I had an awesome night with my best friends from High School and we all (all except hubby) slept in. Tomorrow though-I'm back at it. Waking up early, sweating for an hour in my living room, burnin extra calories (thanks to my Thermofit), then showering and getting ready for what will be a busy day!! 

My yummy ProFIT protein shake - http://biancafinney.myitworks.com/shop/product/316/

Ray and I have been talking and wondering when we'll get an email or phone call with my next step and protocol. We're THAT excited to get this journey on the road! Personally, I just think Ray misses injecting a 4 inch needle in my butt. It's like his way of saying "This is for buying from that last Matilda Jane release! Haha!" Kidding. I hope. 

Today I got an email!! 

Not with my protocol, but with good news that we are ready to start with the next step. As soon as the doctor gives my orders, I'll be getting my body prepped for transfer number 2! Hopefully this round will stick and we have a healthy little one cooking!! I'm happy and excited to continue this journey and will keep praying every night to be able to carry and nurture a baby for 40 weeks!! 

Mommy and her second blessing Ella

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I am very lucky to know so many kind women who message me and ask how I'm doing. It really is a blessing, thank you!

Test results

Hey everyone! I've been so busy from the transfer, going on vacation and getting back to normal that I haven't been able to update everyone on what's going on.

First of all, I would LOVE to give an awesome shout out to one of my best friends from High School. She recently delivered two sweet baby girls via C-Section for her IP's. Her pregnancy with these girls put her on bed rest for a while, but they came out at a perfectly cooked 37 weeks! How awesome is that! This girl was always by my side, whether it was going to class, getting into trouble or holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be okay. I went through one really rough period of time in High School where I thought all of my friends hated me and I was really alone. This girl stayed by my side and helped me get through this rough time. I'm so grateful to call her my friend and I am beyond excited and happy for her!

I got home from vacation on Tuesday night, and had an appointment for my blood pregnancy test on Thursday. I thought I could hold out until the test, but I just couldn't! I had Ray bring home some pregnancy tests and the 2 that I took were both POSITIVE! I was so happy, but I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I tried to remain calm and wait for the results from the doctor. I got a phone call around 3pm from our doctor who had informed me that while the test was positive, it was a very low number (a 6 to be exact) and that I would have to go back on Monday for a retest.

My heart sank. Something in me was scared for the next test. While I had so many amazing MJ mommas telling me their great success stories of their babies being a 5 and turning 2 years old soon brought my spirits up, but just like before... I didn't want to get my hopes up. The whole weekend I felt... BLAH. You know, lingering headache, wanting to eat but nothing sounding good, napping for 3 hours, that kind of stuff. Which we took as a good pregnancy sign.

Unfortunately when I got the phone call on Monday afternoon, I was told my test came back negative and that I was in fact not pregnant. I took a deep breath in and out after the phone call. I could only ask myself WHY? I've never had a problem getting pregnant the regular way. I want to give this gift so badly to this amazing couple and I just can't right now.

So now I have to wait for Aunt Flo to pay me a visit, and we will go from there. I hope we can get the ball rolling soon, because I love being pregnant and like I said, I want to give the gift of baby toes and cuddles so badly.

I am thankful to all my MJ mommas who have supported me and lifted my spirits through this rough time. Your thoughts and words of encouragement mean the world to me. I wish I could just hug all of you! While I am sad that these girls didn't take this round, I know that it isn't uncommon for first rounders not to stick. It also reminds me how lucky I am to not have to go through this for my own children and makes me feel even more thankful for a body that can create and hold babies until they're with those who love them the most.
This is a sad part of surrogacy, folks... But I'm still happy as ever to be on track to giving my intended family the baby (or babies) they deserve to hold. I cannot wait until our next transfer!! I am beyond blessed with what I have already and I'm so lucky I have been chosen to give this gift to another family.

While I'm very saddened about this situation, I feel like one way to keep my mind busy and to help lift not only MY spirits, but those who I have met over the past months who have encouraged me and sent their positive thoughts and prayers. I'm going to do a series of PIF's (pay it forward's) to thank everyone who has given their gratitude to us. I'll be doing them on my Facebook profile (Bianca Kailee Finney), on my blog (in another KCINM post), on my Instagram account (biancakailee), on my It Works page (Paid To Get Skinny) and some other random places!

I wanted to get ALL of this done like 2 days ago and life got in the way. So, I'm thinking Friday night or possibly Saturday afternoon... or both! All I ask is that shipping is paid for, unless you're local and would like to pick up!! PIF's will consist of random things like princess slippers for your little girl, hair accessory board, It Works! wraps, Young Living credits/coupons, and some other random things I have laying around that haven't been used or opened.

Thanks to everyone for once again, reading all of my ramblings. Don't forget to add me on Facebook and Instagram and "like" my page Paid To Get Skinny so you'll be able to enter all of the PIF's!