Faith, Trust and Baby Dust!

Yes I watched Tinkerbell with K not long before we came down to San Diego. My girl love her fairies! 

Today was one of the greatest, most emotional days of my life. As we pulled into the hospital, I felt my stomach drop and in came a bazillion butterflies. I packed, flew and got ready for the appointment with no butterflies in my somach, but when I pulled in to that parking lot, it just hit me - I'm going to be pregnant again. I'm going to get a belly and crave weird foods and cry during Johnson & Johnson commercials. We walked up to the doctor's office and right as we opened the door, my intended mother was right there. Right in front of my face with her arms wide open ready to greet us with a box full of pear cupcakes. Hugging her felt so right. Like a best friend or cousin who I've known for years and we finally get to see each other after being apart for so long. It immidiately made my butterflies vanish and made me feel ready for this transfer. They brought their little one. SUCH a beautiful, sweet child that little one is. So happy and full of life. That baby deserves a brother or sister. 

I was taken to a room, went over paperwork and settled in to the bed I'd spend my next 45 minutes in. I don't think anyone can understand how amazing the staff is here. They answered any questions I had before I even asked. They were SO thourough with the procedure, it was just so comfortable. 

The doctor came in and gave us a picture of what the embryos look like. Yes, embryos - 2 to be exact. We reviewed how the procedure was done and got ready for two girls to be placed. I layed back, popped a Valium and talked amoungst my very excited set of intended parents and sibiling. We chatted about little boys versus little girls, about how my husband has trained my 4 year old to train my 1 year old to do things around the house like throw the trash away and put toys away. I cannot explain how happy and full of life my intended family is. They are so easy going and ready for add on to their family. 

After the Valium kicked in, the doctor came in again and asked if I was ready. Before he could finish asking, I replied "YES!" How could I not?! This family is amazing and more than deserving of another child, hopefuly two! The procedure was no worse than the yearly pap smear. The entire time, I had my eyes glued to the ultrassound screen. The doctor told us to look for the little "flash of light" as he set those two precious girls on the top of my uterus. After the picture was printed for us to take for a keepsake, the doctor, intended father and I joined hands over these baby girls, bowed our heads and prayed for the well being and health of these babies. 

And that was it! They reclined me back and propped up my legs. The sweet intended sibling was ready for some "out of the doctor" intereaction time, so our intended family left before I was able to get up. Before the intended mother left, she came to me, held my hand and expressed her thankfulness for me and what I was doing for her. The look in her eye, that excitement and anticipation of the possibility of having two sweet baby girls in her arms in 9 months... All worth it. 

The pain from the injections, the long wait, the realization of not only going through a labor I am used to, but a labor with twins... All worth it. 

Now the wait! We will have a pregnancy test on Thursday of next week and honestly, I can't wait for that day to be here! In the mean time, I will be thinking happy thoughts, praying, eating healthy and continuing my medications to unsure these girls have the best outlook in a full term pregnancy. 

I would like to take a second and say thank you to anyone and everyone who has followed my story, shared my story, encouraged me, prayed for us or thought of us. It means the world to me that I have such a great group of moms behind me in this journey. SO happy, that I feel like a giveaway is in oder. I don't know what, when or how, but with you amazing moms on my side praying and thinking for us, I honestly think these girls, my family and my intended family will have an even better outlook on this journey. From supporting comments to prayers, it all helps and I'm thankful for it all.

Again, thank you for following me on my journey and I hope you enjoy the posts! Talk to you all soon!! 

The Big Day!

I started this blog to share my experience being a surrogate. I want to remember my emotions, struggles and achievements as much as possible, so I'll be updating the blog anytime something "happens". Lol bear with me. It's 4:08am and I'm half awake ;) 

4:08am: I'm half awake. And we're driving to the airport. I have a few mixed feelings this morning. I'm still missing my girls and actually, anytime I think of their little faces, my eyes start watering up. This is one experience this momma bear hasn't gone through yet (being away from her cubs for 5 nights). I know they're in good hands, I just want to be able to hug them at any time. 

I'm also nervous to meet our intended parents. What if they don't like me? Don't laugh I'm being serious! 

So everything went so fast yesterday, I wasn't able to uppdate. Lame, I know. 

Anyway. After we landed, we got a car, and had some lunch. At the appointment, the wonderful nurse saw me walking and asked if I was okay. I explained to her that I wass having pain from the injecton site. She told me she needed to take a look, because it shouldn't be hurting this bad. After drawing my blood, we checked the site. The nurse explained that where we were injecting was a very painful spot as it's right next to my sciatic nerve. (Later I realized, that's probably why my back has been hurting. DUH). As she was examining me, I broke down. 

We had 4 hours of sleep the night before, flew an hour, then waited hours until our appointment, all while I was in the unbearable pain. Hearing it was in the incorrect spot just tipped the iceburg. I was happy though! I was happy to know there is an easy fix to stop the pain. SO HAPPY! 

The ultrasound went great, we got our protocol for the transfer day, and were on our way! We stopped by the pharmacy, bought myself a heated pad and came to the hotel. Seeing a bed to lie on and 2 outlets to plug my phone and heating pad into was the best sight. EVER. I hopped in bed, threw on my heated pad and fell asleep. 

This morning we planned on going to Kono's, an amazing breakfast spot, but the line was out the door and around the corner! So we came to a different place not too far. The view is amazing. We are right by the beach and the energy of the families on bikes and running or walking around is so amazing! San Diego is really beautiful and maybe one day we can call this place home. I know Ray would LOVE  that! 

My appointment is in an hour and 45 minutes. I'm nervous, excited and happy to get this transfer started! I ask that anyone who prays or believes in any sort of power, to think of us and the family. Pray and hope this baby sticks so we can get this baby into the arms of loving, deserving parents. 

That's all for now folks! Hope to update after the transfer this afternoon! 

Ouch.

Shots. 

We all know I don't like them, right? Well I got over that and now I'm fine with getting them. I'm no longer giving them to myself, my husband does it for me. And contrary to what you might believe, he does a pretty good job! 

Apparently, I skimmed over and didn't read the part where you should avoid sitting or laying down for 5-10 after recieving these little needles of love. My routine was - get the shot, go to bed. 

Well my freaking butt hurts more now than it does while getting the damn shot and quick frankly, between that and my kids driving me up a wall, I am miserable. 

"Well you signed up for this." 

"Get used to it mama!" 

Yeah don't give me that. I just want to lay here, vent and get advice from you super mommas who have gone through it before. 

My new routine is - shot, walk around with a heating buddy on injection site, watch Chopped, take a warm shower and let the water fall onto my luscious bruised up bum. 

Any other tips? I'd love any recommendations or suggestions! 

In other news, tomorrow is the last full day with my babies. Like I said, they have been driving me NUTS the last couple of days (probably because I haven't taken them out in this scortching got weather). I haven't ever been away from them this long! I've done one night away, but six?! I'm going to ball my eyes out on the way home from their grandmas house tomorrow. I know they're in good hands, but... Ugh. Just look at their precious little faces!  

And by the way- yes, K slept in those shoes that night. 

This post was a bit short, but I hope to get my story on Ella's pregnancy and birth out this weekend (I promise it'll be way shorter than K's) along with how the transfer went! 

Thank y'all for reading! And don't forget to leave your tips for me in the comments!! xoxo

The Journey of K

There are so many ways to start this and I could get into so much detail, but I'll try not to bore you while I tell you how our beautiful 4 year old K came into our lives.

I got pregnant with K when I was 18 years old. I was scared- but at the same time, I was confident. I felt like I was meant to go through what I was going through and it made me more comfortable with the situation. I only knew one girl my age who had her daughter at a young age and unfortunately, I no longer had her contact information, so I depended on my family. They have ALWAYS been there and I knew I could count on them.

The pregnancy with K was great! Aside from the fact that I was told I was miscarrying and the pain that came with it. I craved fruit and the old style jolly rancher chews that apparently no gas station, supermarket, Target, Walmart or other store carried. After discovering I was pregnant, I moved in with her daddy and spent any time I could with him. We rented a house with some close friends and everything was great! I saw my parents often, and talked to a lot of friends daily. Since Ray mostly worked nights, I spent my nights watching The Office until he came home. Life was great! I was all belly and my feet didn't get too swollen. I worked 4-5 days a week on my feet until the day I had her. Yep! I worked fries at In N Out the day before I had K. When I think about it now, I feel like I was crazy. 

The day I had her...

I remember it like it was yesterday. The night before, we were at my parents house celebrating my birthday (May 14th). I felt tensing in my stomach but didn't think much of it since it went away pretty quickly. I ate my birthday cake (enough for two, maybe even three) and left home to our new apartment that was closer to my parents house. It was Ray and I in a 2 bed/2 bath apartment. Not one we loved, but we were in a time crunch and just needed a place ASAP at the time. ANYWAY! I went home, went to bed. Nothing crazy. 

Okay so... If you knew anything about me when I was in my teen years through 18/19, you would know that I like to sleep. Being pregnant only made me want to sleep more, so the only reason I would wake up before 10 AM was because we had a store meeting, or because I worked at 1030 AM. I loved sleep. 

May 16th, I woke up at 8AM because my stomach hurt. Being the first time mommy that I was, I immidiately thought "count your contractions". I had no clue what I was doing so I just decided to call Labor and Delivery and talk to a nurse. She was worried because I had mentioned she wasn't moving as much as she usually does, so they suggested I just go in and get a check. Now my husband who had been up all night playing World of Warcraft (yeah, don't even get me started) was still sound asleep and suggested I go by myself to the hospital because "it probably wasn't anything serious". Yeah... OKAY. 

Off I went to Labor and Delivery. I called my mom and she met me there. They hooked me up to the monitors and took some blood to run some tests because I was only 37 weeks pregnant. After about 2 hours in the hospital, I remembered I was supposed to work that day. I called in and remember saying "Hey, I've been in the hosital for 2 hours and I don't know when I'm going to leave so I might be late to work today." Yes, I promise that's what I said. My manager said "Well, lets take it as you're in the hospital and going to pop any day... why don't we just start your maternity leave today? I'll cover the rest of your shifts." Made sense...

An hour or so later, Ray arrived (I assume my mom told my dad he wasn't here and my dad gave him a little wake up call). We sat in my room and he turned on Nascar. Yep. Nascar. The one thing every pregnant lady asks to watch on her hospital TV, right? WRONG. An hour or so later the nurse says my contractions weren't consistant so there wasn't much for them to do. They were worried about my high blood pressure so they need a 24 hour urine sample. Yep. They wanted 24 hours of my urine. YIPEE. 

I was discharged, went home, and got ready for a BBQ my parents were having for Mother's Day for my Grandma Nancy. My Uncle John was there. I went in the back with everyone else, sat down and started feeling those contractions again. This time though, they were actually hurting. My Uncle John kept looking at me and asked if I was okay. My dad responded for me and said "Oh she's fine. She has another 3, maybe 4 or 5 weeks left". My parents made dinner, but I didn't want any of it. Ray took me to Jamba Juice, then we went by In-N-Out for a burger. My best friends Christiane and Brittany were working. I remember them coming to the window and saying "I thought you were in the hospital?". I told them what happened, then went back to my parents house. I finished my dinner and sat on the couch. 

Contractions. 

Even worse than before. But I tried to hide it since everyone had convinvced me they're just Braxton Hicks. I remember trying to get up from the couch and Ray had to pulll me up, but mid pull I got stuck because... well contraction of course. My parents walked us out to the car and we talked for a bit. My dad again reassured me that I needed to "suck it up because when I'm REALLY in labor it will hurt much more". So I did. We went home and being the awesome daddy to be that he was, Ray remembered taking a bath with some relaxing candles might help kick those practice contractions out so I can get some rest. While in my relaxing bath, I felt calm. Then, they came back. 

CONTACTIONS. 

I fumbled my way to the bed and expressed how much pain I was in and tried to sleep it off. CONTRACTIONS. They wouldn't go away. Finallly, the vomit. I told Ray I felt sick so he brought me a trash can. Not even 2 minutes later, all my Jamba Juice and In N Out had been in the trash can. That moment I think is when Ray started to take me seriously. He then started to count my contractions and not even 5 minutes later, he was running around the house throwing stuff into our hospital bags. 

CONTRACTIONS CONTRACTIONS CONTRACTIONS. 

Suddenly we were in the car on our way to the hospital. It was all such a blur since I was concentrating on not freaking out and just breathing. We got to the hospital and went in through the Labor and Delivery entrance I went through earlier that day. Walking in, the young man working behind the counter informed us that we had to go around the building and into the Emergency Entrance. CONTRACTIONS. I said "IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO UPSTAIRS RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO HAVE MY BABY ON THIS FLOOR." He let me through. 

CONTRACTIONS. 

I finally got upstairs and into a L&D room. I was then informed by the nurse that "Ray needs to go downstairs to register you, and I need a urine sample." ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I complied and took the cup and went into the restroom. Nurse comes in and asks "How you doin' honey?". "I fell like if I pee, she's going to fall into the toilet" I responded. CONTRACTIONS. The nurse then had me lay down in the bed and started hooking up the monitors. Nurse checks me and says "Oh my honey, you're ready. I think you've been ready." In my head I'm thinking "OMG I've been telling everyone all day and NO ONE has been listening to me." Thankfully, my midwife was there covering someone else's shift. As soon as she walked in, I was so relieved. "I'm ready when you are" she said. 

One push.

My midwife told me my water had not broken yet so she's going to break it for me to help with pushing (or something like that-I don't really remember). 

Two push. 

I look up and notice both Ray and mom have made it by my side. No words can describe how happy I was to have my momma by my side. The woman who dedicated her life to making me happy and made sure I had an amazing life. I was ready. 

Three push. 

BABY. 

My sweet girl, my first girl. 3 weeks early, but healthy. Five pounds and an ounce. Everything changed. She was beautiful, and she was mine. I could go on about my emotions when they put that precious girl on my chest, but in a nutshell-she was perfect. 

My dad, grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousin, mother in law, father in law, two sister in laws and Regan were there. My heart was so happy. From the pictures, I looked like hell.... but it was so worth it. My girl was finally here and in my arms, we were surounded by the ones we love most. It doesn't get much better than that folks! 

Ray took this picture just seconds after she was placed on my chest and after we became parents of this sweet girl. We held her skin to skin for about 3-4 hours. Maybe a little tooo long seeing as she had her first bowel moment right in daddy's hand. Nothing says "welcome to parenthood" like a handful of meconium from your first born. 

So I tried to make it short but it probably sounds longer than I intended. In reality, it was a very short labor. I was most likely in labor for less time than it took you to finish this post. Let's just say I went through In N Out drive through around 6:30PM and K was delivered at 8:58PM. So I went from being in okay condition, ate, went to my parents for a little bit longer, went home, got in the bath, got to the hospital and got situated in 3 hours. lol 

This folks is one of the signs that stuck out to me and told me I was meant to do this! My labors are in no way complicated and my active labor goes by very quick! I love babies, and I can't wait for 10 months to come by so I can deliver a baby for my intended parents and see the look on thier little one's face when they see they have a little sibling. 

Hope you enjoyed my story of how K was brought to us and I hope to see you next time when I talk about how S came about! Have a wonderul night!